Sounds of Silence

It's a bit ironic, that I struggle to hear every day and yet I find my most peaceful times when I turn off my hearing aids and block out the world. It's not that I don't want to hear what's going on around me. I do. I really do. But I find myself turning off my much needed hearing aids during the day just to calm my soul.

There are times that listening can be highly overrated. It's exhausting to hear. My concentration has to be so focused so I can understand what the heck you normal hearing people are saying that I feel as if I've run a marathon. No wonder I'm so flipping tired when I get home.

It's not that I can't hear what people are saying. It just sounds like you all are mumbling. Trying to clarify the sounds can be frustrating, embarrassing and quite awkward.

"Read my lips."

A former coworker said those words to be thinking he was funny. He wasn't. I wanted to slap the smile off his face into next week. I know I don't hear well. I sure as hell don't need anyone to point it out to me. I've been living with this since I was five years old. I think by now I have a clue.

Fish. Dish. Wish. Words sound alike if you can't hear well. I have responded to questions with wrong answers. I've been laughed at, teased, ignored and even made people mad.

"You hear what you want to hear. You have selective hearing."

I heard those comments many times over the years. Umm, nope. I hear what I can when I can. It can be a hit or miss situation. Not by choice. Trust me. If I had a say in this I'd have perfect fricking hearing. But, guess what? I had NO say in the matter. Crap happens and you deal with it. And I've been dealing with this a long time.

I hate and love the sounds of silence.

Want to know what my world is like? Take cotton balls, shove tightly in both ears. Take a set of ear muffs and put over your ears. Now go into the world and try to communicate to people. Try to work. Try to order food from a fast food drive thru. Try to carry a conversation over the phone. Try to be a good mom and be able to hear when your children cry out for you.

Welcome to my world.

When my sons were babies, I would go to their cribs and put my hands on their chests to know they were breathing. I couldn't hear them. I was petrified I wouldn't be able to know if something was wrong. When the kids and I were home alone, if Jerry was gone for the night for some work trip, I'd barely sleep. How could I protect my sons if I couldn't hear if someone was breaking in the house?

But I survived, and my kids turned out okay. I thank God everyday for letting me be who I am. Yeah, I'm hearing impaired, but the good Lord doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I have and will continue to handle this challenge.

A friend wondered how I could calmly study for a test at a noisy restaurant. Well, with my hearing aids turned off, the sounds are muted and it's peaceful. I can be in a roomful of people and read and not be distracted.

I hate and love the sounds of silence.

Military Dreams

When I was a freshman in high school I decided that when I graduated I would join the Army. My oldest brother, Tommy, was in the 101st Airborne Division in the Army and I was and am very proud of him. I was devastated to learn that because I was hearing impaired I would not be able to join.

It didn't matter that I was completely healthy, physically fit, intelligent and eager to join. I wasn't good enough. As a woman, I knew I wouldn't be allowed to be on the front line. I could deal with that--but as a hearing disabled person I apparently didn't have anything valuable enough for the military.

It sucked big time. I was so disappointed. I still feel I would have thrived in a military atmosphere. I could have been an asset in whatever position they put me in. I didn't care where I worked, I just wanted to help.

Military pride runs deep in my family. Practically every generation of my family has been in the military all the way back to the American Revolutionary War.

Samuel King was my 6th great grandfather. He was born in Clogher, Northern Ireland in 1746. He emigrated from Northern Ireland at age 23 in 1769. Samuel King enlisted December 9, 1776, as a Private in Co. K, 11th Virginia Regiment of the Continental Army commanded by Col. Daniel Morgan. He was captured at Germantown and listed as a prisoner on a muster roll call October 14, 1777. He apparently escaped and appeared on the Philadelphia Co., Pennsylvania muster roll on February 17, 1778, in Camp Valley Forge under General George Washington.

His patriotic blood runs in my veins. I hold my hand over my heart when I sing the national anthem. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my brave ancestors fighting for our freedoms.

I honor and respect every soldier who has been in any segment of the armed forces. My oldest son is in the Air Force. My father and brother were in the Army. My grandfather was in the coast guard. My relatives were in the Civil War (on both sides). My ancestors have fought in every single war back to the beginnings of our country. Heck, they probably fought in more wars prior to that time in England, Scotland and Ireland where my ancestors are from. I just haven't found documentation of that yet.

I only wish I had the chance to add to that honor. Oh well.

This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. -Elmer Davis